What has happened?

During summer, I worked my ass off to improve my body and general health. I succeeded and was the happiest I had been I a very long time. I continued to my routine when I returned to Uni in September and improved my body further. However, at the very start of November, matters in my personal life disintegrated and I started to slack. I began to get bored of the gym as my routine never really changed and I began to miss the food I used to enjoy. But a couple of weeks later I met someone, which was lovely but after the Christmas break (4 weeks spent apart) we decided that we were better as friends. I was happy with our decision because I don't think we were ever really into each other in that way. I'm glad we've still remained friends though because I think I would have missed the friendship we formed as he is someone I can chat to easily.    

Photo: Halloween, the happiest time and most confident I have felt about myself.

The reason for me mentioning this is because ever since then, I have been really 'bad' in terms of my health and fitness routines. Since returning to Uni after the Christmas break, I have only been to the gym twice. Before I was going between 3-4 times a week! I've been going out at night more which means huge intakes of alcohol. I've been out three times this week which I know is probably typical for student life but it really isn't good for my body. After leaving the club, I stop by the local take-away to get chips.

 

You can see why I am beginning to panic about all of this..
I really do not want to go back to the way I was before Summer 2014. I felt awful, was overweight and unhappy. I need to get my mojo back pronto otherwise I'm going to tumble down the hill I spent all summer climbing to reach the top.

I subscribed to Women's Health magazine to give me inspiration, and it has thankfully. I'm going to pin some of the tips and ideas to my wall to keep me motivated. I also just spent the last half hour looking for new and exciting recipes to try which are also healthy for my body. One major thing I need to do is design a new fitness routine. I really enjoy going to the gym but going 3-4 times a week and doing the same thing can become boring. Therefore, I have decided to skip the gym one day a week and go for a long walk instead as it would also allow me to get fresh air. However, I drastically need to come up with a new routine for the remaining days I will be at the gym. I think I need a few routines so I'm not doing the same one all the time. I also set myself a new year's resolution to drink more water..so far it hasn't been great but I'm determined to do it. I might even try the equivalent to the Volvic Water Challenge except just drink tap water as t is cheaper haha!

Ok, so I seemed to have built up a few ideas for getting back on track and I hope they go to plan. I might even start writing weekly so I can record my progress.

looby-loo x

Eugh, some people.

I've been trying to get fit this summer and have made a huge effort to change to make my self feel better about my body. I did lose a bit of weight of course because I was going to gym more regularly and cutting out unhealthy snacks. My friends and family say I look great and are really supportive.
It's freshers week back at uni so I saw some of my old flatmates who I've not seen all summer (3-4 months) and they said I was looking really well which was really sweet of them. I then went out with my new flat mate and friends. I was told that "you don't want to lose too much weight" and when I said how much weight I had lost the response was "who's it for?".

1. My aim isn't to be skinny or lose loads of weight; it is to be fit and healthy.

2. I haven't done this for anyone else but me.
 
So don't try and make me feel bad for all the hard work I have undergone to get to a point where for once in my life I actually feel great about my body and have grown in confidence and overcome struggles which were preventing me from being happy. It would have been nicer if I was given support instead of negative comments. I guess that's how life is though and I'm choosing to leave those comments in the past and focus on the positivity.

Volunteering.

Last week I went on a volunteering trip where I went on a camp with 11 other people who I had never met before. It was pretty scary at first because I had never done anything like that before but I thought it would be a good way to push myself out of my comfort zone. The ages between us all ranged from 18-70. It was great meeting new people and hearing their stories and why they decided to do the camp. Everyone got on really well and I'm so happy that I pushed myself to go on the trip because it was a really great experience.

We spent 5 of the days working on a Castle's estate where we worked to maintain the beautiful gardens and footpaths around the estate. I suppose it might sound boring to some people but when you're with other people and having to work as a team to get tasks done, it turns out to be a lot of fun and is always rewarding at the end of a hard day's work.

We stayed in lodge in the middle of the countryside where there was no internet, television or phone service. This made it easier to get to know the other people because there really wasn't much else to do except talk, play board games or Frisbee. We also had to cook our own meals every evening which was fun because a small handful of us each night would volunteer to be the cooks. The night's I volunteered were the nights we made a delicious vegetable curry and I also got the chance to make meatballs which tasted awesome if I do say so myself haha! One of the men made homemade sticky toffee pudding which is my all time favourite desert and it was wonderful.

Overall, the whole week was great and I'm so glad I decided to do it. It has also made me think about other volunteering opportunities for next summer which are more further afield, such as going abroad. I'd even consider going on mini gap year where I could go travelling but I'll see where the next few months take me before I decide on anything.

looby-loo x

Somewhere in the South Pacific

I wish that I was on a white pearly beach somewhere in the south pacific. I'm fed up of everything and just want to be somewhere where I don't have to worry or think about anything and just relax and listen to the calming sound of the waves as they wash up on the sand. I could just lie there and soak up the sun and think about everything that isn't my life right now. Even just for an hour or two. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

dizzy

I'm feeling really down right now and I don't know how to pick myself back up. I have this constant fuzzy feeling in my forehead that makes me dizzy sometimes. I think its because of all the overthinking I do. I try to sleep it off but it doesn't help. I just want to stop all this thinking and paranoia. I'm already extremely anxious about everything and me being paranoid makes it ten times worse. When I'm paranoid, I get frustrated easily which leads me getting angry with people and by people I mean close family members. Its horrible and I hate it. I want to cry but I know crying wont make anything better and neither does talking about it.

looby-loo x

19 on the 19th

It's my 19th birthday tomorrow and I'm scared. I'm not scared because I'll be another year older, that doesn't bother me but I'm scared that it won't be good day. I'm not having a party or anything, just spending the day with my close family which I'm happy about. I don't have any great expectations of how I hope tomorrow will be but I just don't want to feel deflated by the end of it. I want to feel happy and enjoy the day. Recently I've been a bit here and there in terms of how I've been feeling so I really hope that tomorrow is a happy, stable day for me, that's all I ask for. I just want to be happy for the entire day, from when the clock hits 12midnight until the 24hours of the day is up. I just really hope I'm not unhappy about anything and don't feel down either. All I want is to have a happy day :)

no reply

Do you know how much it takes for a girl or someone like me to text first?!! It took my half an hour to type the message and an hour to finally press send. The decent thing to do would be to fucking reply! I replied to all your texts so the least you could do would be to reply to the one I sent you. Its ok for you to text but not me eh?! You the fuck do you think you are? I'm so angry right now. Like why? its not hard to reply! I'm so sick of been made to feel like a total loser! I hate myself for this. Why do I even bother? I seem to be the one always making the effort to get absolutely nothing in return. All I ask for is a simple reply! Why is that so difficult for you?!! ARRRRRGH!

I'm going to bed because I'd rather sleep than live through the reality of this right now.

looby-loo x